And This Long Distance Dedication Goes Out To....

Does anyone remember the radio show "America's Top 40" with Casey Kasem?  When I was growing up in Parkville -- before the big move to da 'Bury during Christmas of '84 -- I would listen to Casey Kasem every Sunday afternoon after church on B104.3.  And my favorite part of the show was the long distance dedication, because they were always syrupy and sad and sweet and, frankly, funny.

And given the performance of the market today, I have decided to write my own long distance dedication to 538 of my favorite people:  Congress, The President, Hank Paulson, and Ben Bernanke.

Dear Casey,

A long time ago, I was taught to trust my government.  You know, "my country, right or wrong".  I was told that the members of Congress, and the President, and the Treasury Secretary were all hard-working men and women doing their best to serve their country.  I would always stand up and put my hand over my heart when a flag passed by in a parade.  I always stood straighter and taller when saluting the flag in my Scout uniform.  I was always in awe when I visited the Capitol or the White House.  Even when I was arguing with Senator Sarbanes on the steps of the Capitol my junior year in high school -- surely embarrassing Mrs. Bennett -- I thought "wow, I am arguing with a United States Senator! This is a great country!"

So when a couple of weeks ago, the President, and the Secretary of the Treasury, and the Chairmain of the Federal Reserve, along with all those Congressman and Senators, said it was 100% absolutely positively URGENT that we need to step up and push this bailout bill through Congress, I was willing -- briefly -- to give them the benefit of the doubt.  I didn't like the bill for a lot of reasons, but I did think we needed to do something quick.  After all, the sky was about to fall.  All the great leaders of the country said so, and they would never lie, right?  If the Congress thought it was URGENT, it must be REALLY URGENT.  After all, they don't like to give up those 3.5 day workweeks over unimportant things, like off-shore drilling and energy prices.

But today, my heart was broken.  When I saw that the market implosion that this bill was going to forestall actually occurred -- taking a big chunk of my 401(k) with it -- I had to sit down in my chair at work and weep.  I cried. I thought to myself, "My country, My country, why hast thou foresaken me?!"  It was so URGENT to pass the bill, and they did!  But the market imploded anyway.  That's over $1 trillion in lost money.  Do you know how many cigars I could buy with $1 trillion?  It turned out that my government was wrong.  Really wrong.  They were so wrong, they make NFL Referees look perfect.  Mike Perrerra looks like a god compared to our government.

I don't know what to do now Casey, but I know that sometimes, things aren't always as urgent as they seem.  No ones epitaph will ever read "He should have spent another $700 billion".  But Casey, I know one thing that will help.  It's a song a from the 80s, that Iistened to over and over in those halcyon days with thin leather ties and wingtips and wearing a polo shirt under your button downed Oxford with parachute pants and a jeans jacket.  Casey, would send out "URGENT" by FOREIGNER to the President, Congress, the Secretary of the Treasury, and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve just so they can know how I really feel about them?"

And this long distance dedication goes out to President, Congress, the Secretary of the Treasury, and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve: